Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
