It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
