1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Farmville is her only friend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
