Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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