Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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