Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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