batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
