She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
