when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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