she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
