omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
