he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
