I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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