at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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