Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
