Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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