So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
