i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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