Nicole vs. Life
Buhtt sex?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
