take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
