I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
