all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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