I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
