I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
