I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
