I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
