he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh god it's open bar.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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