It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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