i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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