I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
