Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
