im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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