honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
