no, he came in my armpit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
