my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
