i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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