Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
