Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
