You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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