3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
