Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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