i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
