Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
