I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
