Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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