Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
