When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
