dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
