It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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