i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
