Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
